Sounds like it's been a difficult week for many people - commiserations and hoping this coming week is better. I started this week with churning anxiety about finishing my journal article, on top of a whole bunch of other things, including a tax return (which I hate doing) and teaching a topic which I don't really feel I have a strong grasp on. It's to first-years, so knowing the basics is usually as much as I need, but every year I breathe a sigh of relief at getting through without being found out. (Every year I vow to read up more on the subject, and of course every year I fail to do so.)
Normally, churning anxiety induces paralysis, especially when it comes to writing, and for a while, that's how it felt. Then somehow, I don't quite know why or how, a gear shifted and I found I was calmer. I kept going back to the article every time I had a couple of hours free. In the other gaps, or in the evenings when I was tired I did the other stuff, including the tax return, which I did alongside cooking dinner one night.
I haven't quite finished the article, but I enjoyed the writing process, once the paralysis eased. I will be scrambling to finish it and submit it tomorrow, hopefully before the editors start chasing me. But although I haven't ticked off that goal yet, I feel better about the article than I would have done if I'd let the anxiety take over and just churned out words as quickly as possible. Instead I got to sink into the writing and spend time looking through sources again, and finding other things to say.
All this is a long-winded introduction to this week's prompt, which is about celebrating the process of working towards goals, rather than the completion of the goals. We tend on here to make lists and report each week on how many things we've crossed off, and there's good reason for that. But for this week, may also reflect on something you didn't complete in the time you set, but where the process of working on it felt like an achievement in itself. Something where you got more out of doing it than you might have expected, or learned something along the way.
Susan
1. Do ALL THE THINGS, SUBMIT MANUSCRIPT
2. Keep up with some kind of exercise / healthy activities
3. Keep up with morning prayer
4. Clean the house
5. Do something nice at the weekend.
Contingent Cassandra
--Finish reading documentation and exploring models for
project site; make as much progress as possible on setting up site to hold
study leave project documents; creating tracking spreadsheet for documents; and
adding at least one document to site.
--Keep moving: lift weights 3x and walk and/or climb stairs regularly as
weather allows.
--Continue trying to figure out workable daily/weekly routines, starting with
establishing an end of day/bedtime routine.
--Take advantage of upcoming spell of warmer weather to complete some gardening
tasks that got interrupted by cold snap
-- Continue work on packing up & mailing packages (mixture of returns &
gifts for family members I didn’t see over Christmas)
Heu mihi
1. Re-review grant applications and submit ratings
2. Read next 1/3 of book I need to read + 35 pages of Italian book
3. LOR for excellent grad student
4. Do one more inversion practice before the month ends!
5. Draft program newsletter
6. Get ready to teach again!
Dame Eleanor
- keep working on revisions to a chapter
- do some scholarly reading
- process at least 4 grad applications
- write and post assignments, post links or files for reading
- gym x4, swim x1, yoga x5
- talk to someone about the expectations for the Revised Thing
Daisy
Two long-ish writing sessions with no other activity (booked
them on calendar)
Exercise 4 times
URGENT Student thesis stuff
Major admin task
Conference prep with students
Class adjustments
URGENT 2 grant applications
JaneB
1) SELF-CARE (recovery and self-kindness)
* habits: something creative, D&D, read a novel plus three chapters of
crusades book, intentional movement 15 minutes x 3 days, a social thing (a long
thank you/catching up letter to an old friend)
* Specific things - make sure I eat at least 5 portions of at least three types
of fruit/veg a day and don't dive into the bread-and-butter-and-biscuits beige
comfort food pit too deeply
2) HOUSE-LIFE CARE
* 75% or more of the weekly minimal chores, tidy up the upstairs landing
* write and send an appropriate condolence card/letter to Uncle (I find these
things HARD)
3) TEACHING AND ADMIN
* marking - first year essay one, first year essay two, all the "had an
extenstion" third year essays, moderation and spreadsheet admin stuff.
* prepare classes for next week and do ViLE stuff
* stay in my lane!
* go through full draft for MRes student and comment lightly.
4) RESEARCH
* final final proofs of accepted chapter
* prepare for project meeting
* read/comment on latest version of the paper that never, ever ends
* try to be positive and productive when meeting new research student (whose
start was postponed due to the (still not fully resolved) job uncertainty
within the School).
Julie
1. Finish article and submit!
2. Finish teaching prep.
3. Read 4,000 words of student's dissertation by Friday.
4. Essential admin stuff.
5. Tax return: due Friday!
6. Book Easter travel
7. Son's birthday: bake cake, finish wrapping presents, celebrate!
How I did:
ReplyDelete1. Finish article and submit! - NO (but nearly)
2. Finish teaching prep. - YES
3. Read 4,000 words of student's dissertation by Friday. - YES
4. Essential admin stuff. - MOSTLY
5. Tax return: due Friday! - YES
6. Book Easter travel - SOME
7. Son's birthday: bake cake, finish wrapping presents, celebrate! - YES
This week:
1. Really finish and submit article.
2. Grant application: check requirements for this stage, make plan, contact possible referees.
3. Teaching prep: keep minimal.
4. Review form for meeting with Head of Department.
5. Book remaining travel for Easter.
6. Life admin: put dates in calendar, cash a cheque.
I love your story about working on the article! How magical that the paralysis just dissipated.... I remember many years ago, when I was preparing to move from Grad School City to First Job Town, and I was horribly anxious about it because I'd have to rent and drive a car, and I was nervous about renting the car. And I thought, "Wow, this would be so easy if I just weren't afraid of renting a car." And that had a magically calming effect--it was *just my feelings* that were getting in the way, nothing really out there in the world.
DeleteLove both those examples of changes in perspective making things so different!
DeleteHope you have a little celebration or nice thing planned for when you submit, it is so close... enjoy the finishing up stage!
Good luck with the article!
DeleteThank you - it is done. I think it helped that in my head I knew end of January wasn't a hard deadline, unlike the tax return or teaching, so if I took the weekend, nothing bad was going to happen. But it was still nice that it stopped feeling like a chore to complete and became an interesting process. I wish I could talk myself into being calm about driving!
DeleteWhat a relief to get the article off! It's nice when you get to sink into the process rather than trying too hard to be in control of all the details and the chore lists...
DeleteThis week started off pretty badly, with a colleague taking me to task (over email) for how I handled the Unpleasant Student Meeting last week. (No, he was not in the meeting, but he's the advisor *and good friend* of the student. There are some real...issues in my program.) So I spent much of the weekend feeling very anxious and upset, but finally deleted the lengthy emails (yes plural) I had drafted in response and just wrote to ask if we could meet. We met yesterday morning, and actually had a very calm and even pleasant conversation and I think that we understand each other much better now than we did before. So YAY, and I'm feeling quite self-congratulatory for exercising email restraint--even if I was sort of shaking while I waited for him to come to my office.
ReplyDeleteI am so, so sick of the grad student-related issue. It is all a matter of Big! Giant! Obnoxious! Personalities! sucking up all the air. Mostly one personality, with a little bit of a similar personality on the other side. If everyone could just settle down and do their work....
Anyway! Last week, other than the 8000 hours of Issue-Related Meetings:
1. Re-review grant applications and submit ratings - YES
2. Read next 1/3 of book I need to read + 35 pages of Italian book - NO, YES
3. LOR for excellent grad student - YES, first one done, a couple more to do
4. Do one more inversion practice before the month ends! - YES
5. Draft program newsletter - YES
6. Get ready to teach again! - YES
That's a lot of yes, but to be fair, these were all pretty small and simple tasks, other than reading the research-related book, which I did not do.
Teaching is awesome so far because it's my very favorite course--Mystical Literature--and I haven't taught it since 2020. The students in this course are ALWAYS super into it and the readings, though difficult, are short. So it's a fun class but with relatively little work from me (although I increased the class size this year, which will mean more grading). But the meetings so far--dear God, the meetings--the associated stress--the miscellaneous administrative tasks--I have revisions that I really need to be working on, and an article to finish, and another article to plan, and I'm just.not.doing it.
So maybe I need to focus more on process than goals, as Julie suggests.... The goals do need to be hit at some point, though!
This week:
1. Find a total of 3 hours to work on book MS.
2. Read 2 more chapters of research book (really 1.5, since I'm halfway through one).
3. One set of inversions.
4. Administrative madness: Process journal revision; begin organizing online teaching workshop #1; review grad student evals from fall; finish and send out newsletter; revisit graduate student apps before Monday; Gen Ed review; deal with email mountain
5. Exercise. Work in at least a tiny little bit of meditation. Have lunch with a friend.
In other kind of interesting news, I found out last week that I have a pretty severe B12 deficiency. I got my first injection on Friday (I get four weekly injections, then I'll take supplements). B12 regulates nerve health and digestive health and affects mood and energy levels. I'm pretty psyched to see how I feel once I've stabilized. I have had a stomach ache on and off since getting the shot, though, and my digestive system is clearly in what-the-hell mode, so it may take a little while to settle down.
Did I write enough? Have a good week, everyone!
Congratulations on handling the disgruntledness like a pro and setting the tone for adult discussion... Those things are hard with colleagues and just overall exhausting!
DeleteHope it is a better week for research, and that the B12 stuff settles fast!
Oh those air-sucking personalities . . . It's so true that just settling down and doing the work is the answer to many problems.
DeleteI am so impressed on how you handled your colleague, who was (just to affirm you here) OUT OF LINE.
DeleteOh, that sounds like such an awful week. Well done on handling it so well, and hope the injections kick in soon.
DeleteI really find those adult things really hard, sounds like you did a great job. Ugh, personalities... especially personalities who seem to get their pleasure and energy from interacting with other people, creating drama or asserting themselves. This is the main reason I am not looking forward to the merger with the other department - several people who claim to fully understand the financial realities of being in a small, regional, not very well managed university at a time of crisis for the sector, but ALSO that their personal research/work is SO IMPORTANT that they should get loads of time to do it and only the best students, and that although the students we recruit mostly have low entry grades, limited academic confidence, and relatively complicated lives, it is unreasonable to expect important academics like them to modify how or what they teach or do, or to invest time into supporting any except the smartest, most keen-on-their-subfield students. And that is one reason I will never be more senior than I am now, I have very little capacity for navigating that sort of thing without letting my "honestly it's like being back at school with a roomful of hormonal 12 year olds, let's at least PRETEND to be adults" attitude leak through.
DeleteMy dad had vitamin B issues - he found taking extra zinc really helped with the absorbtion (and the stomach issues). Hope you see the benefits soon!
I like process goals because they're more achievable, at least if I've been realistic ("work for 20 minutes on X" rather than "work for two hours on X"). Lately I've been getting a fair amount done through various types of "spiraling" and "tricks": i.e., just open a new document and put a title on it; get up and do one thing toward preparing dinner, like get out a bag of potatoes; just open the assignment from last semester and take a look at it; get out the pan for the potatoes; check the syllabus to see what the due date for this assignment is supposed to be; scrub the potatoes. Eventually I get the new assignment written, and also get dinner, although it would be very difficult to track how much time I spend on any individual task, unless I had two or three stopwatches running!
ReplyDeleteHow I did:
- keep working on revisions to a chapter: YES, 2 sessions
- do some scholarly reading: YES, most mornings
- process at least 4 grad applications: YES + (7!!)
- write and post assignments, post links or files for reading: SOME
- gym x4, swim x1, yoga x5: NO, NO, x3 I think (I was not thinking about the extra meetings and days on campus last week when I set this goal!)
- talk to someone about the expectations for the Revised Thing: YES (and I think I will apply for it after all: some things I'm already doing would count toward it, or at least I can make a case for them doing so)
New goals:
- keep working on revisions to a chapter
- start slides for at least one conference paper
- do some scholarly reading, take notes on the last book
- process at least 4 grad applications
- write and post more assignments, post links or files for reading
- gym x4, swim x2, yoga x5
- Basement Cat to vet
Way to go for the grad applications and reading and revisions! I like the puttering approach for some tasks, it definitely helps with marking for me, do a page and alternate with other activities does make some of the slow talks go by faster!
DeleteGood luck at the vet for Basement Cat...
That's a good approach. I do that almost unintentionally sometimes, in that I force myself to get up from the desk by telling myself I'll do something else useful during the five minutes or so, like finding the recipe for dinner while the kettle boils. Definitely helps with marking!
DeleteDefinitely ok with celebrating and enjoying processes! I think everything I’m doing right now is basically process because nothing is getting completely finished, but there is progress on a lot. Useful to remember that every once in a while! Not like academics is anything but delayed gratification, all the time…
ReplyDeleteI am ok with January being done, I was feeling kind of discombobulated for most of it… I’m not sure how February is going to go, I know I will not touch the ground much. We are hiring, so there are three two-day long campus visits and am doing a major program review for another department. Oh, and a lovely regional conference… And playing two solid weeks of musical, one full week of tech as in 7 consecutive nights, and then 8 shows… I am really looking forward to it, I can sleep in March…
Last week’s goals
Two long-ish writing sessions with no other activity (booked them on calendar) SORT OF
Exercise 4 times GOT TWO, BETTER THAN ZERO
URGENT Student thesis stuff NOPE
Major admin task DONE
Conference prep with students DONE, LOTS
Class adjustments IN PROGRESS
URGENT 2 grant applications DONE, YAY!
I got a lot of lingering stuff done last week, and teaching is pretty much under control. Today was admin and accounting and email return and planning day because there is no way any of that will get done this month. I’m going to park a few things and hope that means I get to the urgent writing stuff. Keeping this week minimal for new goals.
This week’s goals
URGENT Student thesis stuff – if I do nothing else at least do this…
Conference prep with students
Campus visit, not really a goal, but whatever…
Exercise 3 times
Sounds like February will be busy! Have a good week, and I hope you can enjoy the job candidates!
DeleteA lot for February, but hope the music is energising!
DeleteI love process goals: at least in history, we don't finish things quickly, so most goals are for most of us process. One foot in front of the other...
ReplyDeleteHow I did:
1. Do ALL THE THINGS, SUBMIT MANUSCRIPT YES!!!!!!!
2. Keep up with some kind of exercise / healthy activities YES
3. Keep up with morning prayer YES
4. Clean the house YES (not till yesterday, but..)
5. Do something nice at the weekend. YES
So, Famous Author is in (draft, still will get reader's reports, but I think it's actually pretty close to done). I've started working on images and maps, which are a whole other thing, but... I pretty much crashed at the weekend (got a pedicure, read, etc). And this week I've been fiddly, not sure where I'm going.
A friend is arriving tonight, and will stay until next Monday, so I'm saying this is a vacation week, with minor bits of work tomorrow, in the desk clearing department. We're heading to a weird but amazing national park on THursday (Joshua Tree, for those who care), so... Otherwise, I'm trying not to watch the train wreck in our government too closely, and trying to avoid panic.
Goals for the week:
Vacation/ have fun
Goals for the week
Yay on the manuscript! Well done. And great goals for this week. I have seen photos of Joshua Tree: it looks amazing.
DeleteCongratulations on the manuscript!!! That is a huge milestone that deserves all the celebrations! We are all impressed and very happy for you.
DeleteEnjoy the week and celebrate!
Hooray! That's an enormous DONE!
DeleteCongratulations on the manuscript! And enjoy the well-deserved break! Joshua Tree sounds fascinating; I've read about it but never visited (true for too many national parks that aren't in my backyard, though I did visit a new one *and* see an eclipse a few years ago).
DeleteHi everyone. Late again - seems like if the post isn't up when I finish my "Sunday meeting with self" then I just don't get to TLQ until the week is mostly done. Hopefully things will improve.
ReplyDeleteRe: process goals - a lot of my goals at the moment are at root process goals rather than product goals, even if I tend to frame them as "do X" - the process of trying to at least manage my level of burnout and if possible heal somewhat, the process of working through all the implications of being neurodivergent for my understanding and narration of my own story, my self-image, my capacity and future as an academic and a person, the process of supporting students and making spaces that foster their growth and learning.
I tend to flip-flop between setting goals in terms of specific tasks and setting goals in terms of time spent on a topic - it all depends on which is least daunting for the brain squirrels, and on whether "good enough" or "meet a quality standard" is the goal (teaching prep tends to be "do this thing just good enough given the time you have (or have allotted to it) before the day" and research things tend to be "do another hour this week, the thing will be done when it meets a certain quality point").
It's been a real slog of a week - I don;'t know if its the weather or if I had a bit of a bug despite all my efforts or just my body reacting to the stresses and strains of the last couple of months and ongoing , but I've been having sinus headaches and more fatigue issues and multiple upset stomachs (possibly because my default response to anxious brain squirrels continues to be sugar, but I'm trying to cut back so it has been more bread and cheese sort of things which are also NOT GOOD for my system). And just everything is very uphill.
Latest little annoyance is that two colleagues are due to go out on paternity leave soon and hadn't remembered to plan for some marking/student support needs that are going to come up - which happens, but at the same time I'm finding it hard to deal with them just not thinking about this, and that's at least in part because I'm uncomfortable with even thinking about the context in which both are about to become fathers (one got together with, moved in with and got engaged to his partner whilst she was his graduate student and the university just shrugged rather than requiring a change of supervisor - the other is expecting a child seven months after expecting quite a lot of compassion (i.e. "I can't be expected to do my assigned tasks/remember things/need extra help") because they were getting divorced - from a marriage where they have two young children - this new child with a different partner seems to be arriving very quickly for a decent sequence of marriage fails, carry out complex divorce and child-rearing process, then meet new person, get together enough to create a child, have child born, and the way certain male colleagues are talking about it (in that ultra annoying "gosh what a dog X is, naughty but cool" way some men have of talking about other men finding a new partner before moving on from the previous one) it seems it was very much not in that order if it all happened in an ethical order, shall we say). Which in turn makes me feel petty and judgey and that I am not being kind, which is annoying and means I don't want to have to deal with the admin thing that makes me deal with those feelings. HUMANS ugh.
LAST WEEK
Delete1) SELF-CARE (recovery and self-kindness)
* habits: something creative, D&D, read a novel plus three chapters of crusades book, intentional movement 15 minutes x 3 days, a social thing (a long thank you/catching up letter to an old friend) yes yes yes/done, yes, no
* Specific things - make sure I eat at least 5 portions of at least three types of fruit/veg a day and don't dive into the bread-and-butter-and-biscuits beige comfort food pit too deeply mostly, mostly
2) HOUSE-LIFE CARE
* 75% or more of the weekly minimal chores, tidy up the upstairs landing nearly, no
* write and send an appropriate condolence card/letter to Uncle (I find these things HARD) yes
3) TEACHING AND ADMIN
* marking - first year essay one, first year essay two, all the "had an extenstion" third year essays, moderation and spreadsheet admin stuff. all done plus final details
* prepare classes for next week and do ViLE stuff yes
* stay in my lane! mostly
* go through full draft for MRes student and comment lightly.started
4) RESEARCH
* final final proofs of accepted chapter yes - took longer than expected
* prepare for project meeting no - I asked to reschedule it
* read/comment on latest version of the paper that never, ever ends no
* try to be positive and productive when meeting new research student I think so. She is very keen and organised (mature student) which helps!.
LAST WEEK
Delete1) SELF-CARE (recovery and self-kindness)
* habits: something creative, D&D, read a novel, intentional movement 15 minutes x 3 days, a social thing
* Specific things - make sure I eat at least 5 portions of at least three types of fruit/veg a day and don't dive into the bread-and-butter-and-biscuits beige comfort food pit too deeply
2) HOUSE-LIFE CARE
* 75% or more of the weekly minimal chores, tidy up the upstairs landing
* acquire gifts, make card, send package for Dad's birthday
3) TEACHING AND ADMIN
* prepare teaching for next week & do ViLE stuff
* finish comments on full draft for MRes student
4) RESEARCH
* prepare for rescheduled project meeting
* read/comment on latest version of the paper that never, ever ends
* be on the ball for grad student meetings
The above list is for the week we are currently in...
DeleteSeems like we're on similar schedules this week. And while I'm all for avoiding judgement where possible, it seems to me that there might be something of a throughline between your colleagues' marital/parental and professional conduct -- something along the lines of not thinking as much as full participation in the human compact would require about the likely effects of their actions and decisions on others? Expecting others to take up the slack while they do what feels best to them? Some rules and expectations are pretty arbitrary, but others do protect others from carrying more than their fair share of various burdens, and it seems like the ones your colleagues may be making a habit of flouting tend to fall in the latter category.
DeleteSpeaking as Judgey McJudgerson over here, I find it very freeing to go ahead and judge people I think are behaving badly instead of expecting myself to be kind . . . . One can be polite in person while thinking one's own thoughts.
DeleteThis is an excellent prompt for me this week, since I’m very much in the process of (re)discovering that it’s hard to set specific goals when one is learning/figuring out a new process more or less from scratch. And really, that’s okay; in fact, my study leave proposal took that into account, and the tangible “deliverables” I’ve promised are fairly modest (and could if need be quietly redefined to be even more modest than I’d envisioned while still completely fulfilling the explicit goals laid out in the proposal). So, especially in these relatively early stages of the project, simply making progress is good, especially since I know that, once I get processes in place, the amount of time it takes to do something should become a bit more predictable (and getting the project to a point where there’s more of that sort of work and less of the hard-to-time-estimate planning work is a good use of a study leave).
ReplyDeleteThat said, I’m feeling a bit of pressure to get the basic infrastructure of my project up and running so that I can show it to people whom I will eventually want to participate in some way (and/or who can give me permission to use particular communication channels to recruit participants). That pressure has some basis in reality, but I don’t think those people really care as long as I give them a reasonable amount of lead time to make any decisions they need to make (and since the goal of this part of the project really *is* participation/engagement more than an end product, there isn’t a great deal of time pressure).
The other source of pressure comes under the category of things neither I nor the people who gave me permission and funding for this project have any control over: the political/cultural context in which I’m completing it is simply very different from the one in which I proposed it, and any or all of us could be criticized for the nature of the project, how closely (or not) it connects to my regular and projected future job duties, etc., etc. I’m trying to remind myself that (a) the project remains just as worthwhile as it always was, and (b) we all followed the established processes and procedures, including checking the project for alignment with college and university goals as articulated at the time of the proposal, and that my responsibility is to produce what I said I’d produce, whether or not its perceived value to the university, larger communities, etc., etc. has changed (or at least who has the loudest and most impactful voice in determining that perceived value has changed). Maintaining this attitude seems especially important since I’m pretty sure that I’m not actually vulnerable to anything *but* criticism; the worst-case scenario is that somebody says “we’re never paying you to do that again,” which, since this project is, in fact, quite far afield from my usual duties, and I was unlikely to receive another study leave before I retire anyway (since leaves only became available to contingent faculty a few years ago and there’s a very long backlog of people due one) was almost certainly the case anyway.
All of which is a very long way to say that yes, progress is good, and I’m trying to value progress.
Goals for last week:
Delete--Finish reading documentation and exploring models for project site; make as much progress as possible on setting up site to hold study leave project documents; creating tracking spreadsheet for documents; and adding at least one document to site.
Still a work in progress, but I am making progress, including rediscovering work I’d begun about a year ago on which I can build.
--Keep moving: lift weights 3x and walk and/or climb stairs regularly as weather allows.
Lifted weights 2.5x, some walking and stair climbing
--Continue trying to figure out workable daily/weekly routines, starting with establishing an end of day/bedtime routine.
Progress, but still a work in progress
--Take advantage of upcoming spell of warmer weather to complete some gardening tasks that got interrupted by cold snap
Begun
-- Continue work on packing up & mailing packages (mixture of returns & gifts for family members I didn’t see over Christmas)
Continued progress
Reflection:
DeleteActually, with progress as a measure, I did pretty well. Last week was also pretty discombobulated because a key staff member of the organization on which my project focuses (and of which I’m a member) suffered the sudden, very much unexpected, death of a close family member. So we’ve been rallying round to support him, fill in for some of his duties, and the like. At the same time, given our location, most members of the organization are either directly affected by the upheavals in the federal government or know multiple people who are directly affected. So, although I’m not directly affected myself (though some family members and friends are), there’s a lot adding to the general sense that things are chaotic and unexpected in really unpleasant/sad ways.
Goals for this week (which is admittedly almost over):
--Continue making as much progress as possible on setting up site to hold study leave project documents
--Keep moving, given constraints of weather and a couple of scheduled medical procedures: lift weights 1x and walk and/or climb stairs as weather, time, and energy allow.
--Continue trying to figure out workable daily/weekly routines, starting with establishing an end of day/bedtime routine.
--Take advantage of upcoming spell of warmer weather to complete some gardening tasks that got interrupted by cold snap
-- Continue work on packing up & mailing packages (mixture of returns & gifts for family members I didn’t see over Christmas)
--Make travel and lodging reservations for upcoming conference; contact friends in conference city