The toads are now officially banished. Pest control will come and deal with any remaining ones. Please call them and they will be here. Um. Oh, they are not gone? I'm so so sorry. We just need more time. Out, toad! Maybe an elf will show up to help us. Would you let us know if there have been any elves in your neighborhood? Maybe elves that make your life easier? If you have a spell to conjure elves, even better! If you don't have elves, additional cute (cat) videos are welcome. In the meantime, Ginger George may not speak Italian, but he knows how to live:
Goals from last week:
Daisy
Lots of lab work for student analytical trip
Paper review for nice journal
Read and comment on student thesis draft
Set and grade three exams
Keep fire lit for new paper
Trip accounting
Dame Eleanor:
Exercise: swim x2 or x3, cardio + weights x3, yoga at least x4
Work: sample syllabuses for 2 course proposals; ~3-4 hours/day on research (reading, translating, outlining, writing); prep for Latin group including setting up documents.
Social: birthday dinner out; make cake for post-dinner celebration with friends.Creative: write out story climax idea/scene
Planning: 2024 planning; make appointment for BC check-up; make eye exam appt for me.
Technical: turn on old desktop, look for creative files and tax-related stuff.
2. Finish current round of website edits/updates, since I am now apparently a webpage manager
3. Find reviewer for article
4. Read for class by end of Saturday
5. Figure out graduate student workshop; send out poll re. subsequent workshop
6. Set up sleepover for kid
1b - do seven household tasks (check list in my bullet journal)
1c - quit refined sugar for Lent (other than 80%+ cocoa dark chocolate, because it's hard this year...)
2a - spend some decent reading time (new Jo Walton purchase...) and do some doodling
2b - do some D&D preparation for a game I run, play D&D
2c - write at least one note/postcard to a friend
3a - be professional in check-in with Interim Head of School and maintain boundaries
3b - do 8 hours, not more than 20% over; advocate for myself and for my ongoing issues when I talk to the GP - maintain phased return, NO going back to full hours...
4a - set up meeting with Senior Grad Student (who is returning to work from 2.5 months of burnout related sick leave) to discuss thesis and publications
4b - if possible spend 1 hour on the paper I forgot we were working on
4c - do whatever urgent things have come in in relation to the PhD selection processes (this week that will be emails related to Consortium and any fallout from Exotic)
2. Feedback to students on oral presentations from last week.
3. References for two students.
4. Second round of article revisions.
5. Exercise - run x 2, Pilates x 1, more if possible.
6. Life admin - book trains for trips away, new football boots for daughter, open bank account for son.
2. Re-read and comment on article for journal
3. Organize events for graduate visitation
4. Deal with graduate admissions stuff
5. Keep up with students in crisis
6. Meetings. All the meetings.
7. Make up lease for people who will rent my house/ care for my cat when I'm on sabbatical next year
8. 3 more journals
9. Eat/ sleep/ move
10. Get ready for trip to wintry climes next week.
Last week was still very toady, so I think Pest control need to work on their banishing charms. I could do with more elves, but there are a few around: one particular colleague who does more than his fair share of the stuff we are jointly responsible for; my mother, who does my ironing, and sometimes my kids, who do step up, just not consistently. My favourite elves are the ones who do things on the quiet: nothing gives more of a warm glow than realising someone has done something for you unobtrusively.
ReplyDelete1. Teaching prep - keep to minimum.- YES
2. Feedback to students on oral presentations from last week. - YES
3. References for two students. - ONE
4. Second round of article revisions. - YES
5. Exercise - run x 2, Pilates x 1, more if possible. - YES, YES, NO
6. Life admin - book trains for trips away, new football boots for daughter, open bank account for son. - YES, NO, YES
This week
This week is only 3.5 days or so. I'm taking tomorrow off as it will be the third anniversary of my husband's death and since my kids are on half term week, we're going to have a day together. Friday we are catching a train to Scotland to spend a weekend with good friends. Goals are therefore supposed to be minimal.
1. Teaching prep, keep to minimum.
2. Start marking huge batch of essays.
3. References for student.
4. Submit revised article.
5. Tedious admin: book room for meeting, organise alternative to oral presentation for difficult student, complete moderation report, organise another meeting.
6. Have some quiet reflective time (I may take inspiration from Ginger George here).
7. Enjoy weekend away!
Glad you are getting to take some time with family on an important day, and that you have a weekend away to look forward to as well! Toads just need to know their place...
DeleteI'm very sorry that Pest Control only barely passed Charms 1, so needs to brush up their anti-toad charms. Will communicate with the Powers that be on that. Meanwhile, we are pleased that a few elves have come through for you! In spite of the continued presence of toads, you seem to have been very successful!
DeleteBut I'm so glad you can take tomorrow off with your kids: the anniversaries are hard, but also opportunities to remember. And a weekend with friends sounds ideal.
Glad you'll get the family/friend time; that sounds like an excellent way to spend what could be a difficult week (3rd death anniversaries can be tricky, I think -- far enough away from the event that it may seem less significant to those not close to it, or who haven't had the experience, but not long at all for those directly affected.
DeleteAnd yes, unobtrusive help is the best (as long as it's competent/performed by someone who knows you well enough to know what will actually be helpful and appreciated).
I hope you had a peaceful and restorative day with your kids. Last week sounds very successful!
DeleteWishing you peace and good memories for anniversary week. Hope the visit is everything you need!
DeleteSeconding all of the above.... I'm glad that you can take this important time with your kids.
DeleteThere continue to be toads, and I continue to struggle to care whilst being very irritable. Ugh, I am so bored of being me in this season of life. Things at NorthernUni feel very precarious (aggressive nickel-and-dime-ing going on, and voluntary severance scheme open and being pushed hard, although they can still afford to hire a full prof for the new Head of School position so... it's confusing).
ReplyDeleteThe decluttering person came this week and we worked in my bedroom - it's substantially improved, but we stirred up a LOT of dust, which is probably why I'm feeling particularly sinus-y and itchy and dry-eyed - although that could be a change of seasons thing.
I spoke to my GP at the end of the week and it was something of a let down because basically he just kept asking what I wanted rather than offering any advice or help, and that makes me feel so GUILTY about, well, all I want is for everything outside to go away, or to go back 5 years, or to retire, or to magically get a new, easy, two days a week well paid remote job. Or to start feeling like I care and like I matter to anyone at work in any way other then being a nuisance or a disappointment. Sigh! Anyway, continuing on phased return, up to 3 hours a day remote four days a week which will THOROUGHLY annoy the interim head of department who is adamant that A Change Of Scene Is Good For Everyone and You Would Be Less Anxious If You Spent More Time With Other People (er... given the amount of post-COVID issues, coughing, child-originated illness and sick leaves going on among staff at the moment, I can't see how that would work! Also, the GUILT. Why is the guilt still really strong when I can't seem to properly care or even to think straight for more than a couple of hours at a time? Sigh!).
Gosh life is so thrilling...
LAST WEEK:
Delete1a - move intentionally three days two, and not for very long, but not NONE
1b - do seven household tasks (check list in my bullet journal) hard to count as the decluttering person helped/did a lot of stuff! So yes, but not all items from the list - I'd say 4 items from the list
1c - quit refined sugar for Lent (other than 80%+ cocoa dark chocolate, because it's hard this year...) the decluttering person kindly brought us both a treat to have at coffee break, and then I ordered a takeaway yesterday and absentmindedly added a dessert item and ate it without even thinking. So that's gone badly!
2a - spend some decent reading time (new Jo Walton purchase...) and do some doodling finished the book I've been reading since late Jan - it wasn't good but it wasn't bad enough to abandon and I was having a bad focus week so... did do some doodling, and painted a card to write a note in to a friend whose Christmas letter mentioned they're dealing with cancer treatment which turned out quite well
2b - do some D&D preparation for a game I run, play D&D no, yes a bit
2c - write at least one note/postcard to a friend as above - made a notecard and wrote a note in it. Now I just need to POST it...
3a - be professional in check-in with Interim Head of School and maintain boundaries better this week as our main topic was problems caused by the person with the memory issues and how we might mitigate them. But she's going to be miffed about the lack of progress towards being on campus, and I will feel very guilty about it because, UGH
3b - do 8 hours, not more than 20% over; advocate for myself and for my ongoing issues when I talk to the GP - maintain phased return, NO going back to full hours... 5 hours/63% over again, GP was just "what do you want" so, well, continued phased return with hours increased to match reality - not sure that is a good idea as I am definitely struggling, but I feel very unsupported with this and, well. SIGH
4a - set up meeting with Senior Grad Student (who is returning to work from 2.5 months of burnout related sick leave) to discuss thesis and publications yes - seeing them this week virtually.
4b - if possible spend 1 hour on the paper I forgot we were working on no time
4c - do whatever urgent things have come in in relation to the PhD selection processes (this week that will be emails related to Consortium and any fallout from Exotic) had a video call with a promising applicant for Consortium- where she was joined by a loud, cute black cat. Some emails, no fallout
NEXT WEEK:
1a - move intentionally three days
1b - do seven household tasks (check list in my bullet journal)
1c - quit refined sugar for Lent (other than 80%+ cocoa dark chocolate)
2a - spend some decent reading time (new Jo Walton purchase...) and do some doodling
2b - do some D&D preparation for a game I run, play D&D
2c - POST card to friend & another item
3a - be professional in check-in with Interim Head of School and maintain boundaries, do 12 hours, not more than 20% over
4a - meet with Senior Grad Student (who is returning to work from 2.5 months of burnout related sick leave) and set appropriate next steps
4b - if possible spend 1 hour on the paper I forgot we were working on
4c - PhD selection processes (this week - 2 hours interviewing for Northern, emails related to Consortium, any fallout from Exotic)
Ugh. But it sounds like a decent week -- making some progress on multiple fronts. I hope the new work schedule is manageable!
DeleteSounds like progress -- incremental progress, but still progress. I don't suppose the GP would be willing to take a strong stance on the potential risks of returning to campus, contracting covid (or other diseases), etc., etc.? Because it sounds like that might actually useful. And the risks are real; I've got one colleague who's currently on a 50% load thanks to long covid.
DeleteI also think we need some guilt-banishing spells, or elves, or something. Because really, with occasional exceptions, most of us (faculty and students alike) are doing what we can, to the best of our abilities. The expectations (which seem to include things like being unaffected by budget cuts and attendant anxieties) are just increasingly unrealistic.
Definitely the guilt-banishing spells! And while we're banishing things, how about we zap some of the unreasonable expectations!
DeleteHang in there@
Guilt without caring sounds like a definition of depression; that might be something to speak to the doctor about. It sounds like the GP is willing to write a note for whatever you think is reasonable, so maybe you need a friend (or us?) to make suggestions on your behalf. If the actual hours you're doing are manageable, then that's fine, but if 12-15 hours has you relapsing, I think backing off is appropriate and I give you permission to ask for a note saying so (and I AM a doctor, even if of philosophy rather than medicine!). Anyway, maybe we should speak to Pest Control and get them to rehome the toads with your interim head of department, with strict instructions that said head is to care for them personally, no delegating them to others!
DeleteI don't think I'm depressed - I've been diagnosed with depression for a couple of decades now and on an anit-depressant, and a bad depression patch feels different to this - this is more specific to work and tied to clear cognitive and physical symptoms which don't work like depression (which for me improves as the day goes on, but right now I'm having decent brain function in the morning once I'm up then hitting a wall after 3-4 hours - if I rest I then have decent energy in the evening then down again, if I don't I stay down). I could be too used to the medication now, or it may not be the right medication for me - apparently neurodivergent people are more prone to not reacting as expected to such meds, and I've not had particularly strong positive effects from it. After trying a higher dose last summer and doing badly on it, I'm currently doing a slow move off the medication altogether to see if I still need it (my best understanding of my own experience is that my dominant mental health issue is generalised anxiety disorder with associated depression - I'm far more affected by changing/missing my anxiety meds - and now I'm learning about neurodivergence and revisiting my own story through that lens, I'm wondering if some or most of those depression episodes were actually ND burnout too) for me, and hopefully then to try something different if I still seem to need something in that line (very short GP appointments and lack of continuity of care does not lend itself to knowing fully what is going on or planned...). So I'm looking at that piece of it, I hope.
DeleteUPDATE though - Interim head of Department was indeed thoroughly annoyed that the increase was gradual, went to HR, and has announced that according to them one should not start phased return until one is actually ready for full time work and it's just for adjustment, so I have to agree a plan to be 100% full time on campus within the next four weeks. So I guess they don't value the work I can do, or the work I did whilst actually on sick leave, and I will be signed off again, either shortly into the return (because I don't share her apparent belief that doing the thing I'm struggling with/not feeling well enough to do will make it possible for me to do the thing, or that all my problems are due to not being around enough people - that may be mean, but... sigh) or as an alternative to trying to push myself to meet a new plan. And that I won't be doing ANY work, or helping ANYONE out, since that's what they expect. or trying to - because oh, my poor grad students, my collaborators, my colleagues. I might be over-arrogant about my value, but I think that what I can do in limited hours is actually valuable.
I don't know. I'm feeling very upset and un-valued tonight (email came in in the early evening), although I don't _think_ that's the intention. Time to talk to the union rep again, and try to get a GP appointment again. But first, to try to sleep!
:( I'm sorry about the head and HR. I'd say see your GP as soon as you can manage it and get signed off altogether for as long as you can! If they're not going to value what you *can* do, then they'll just have to do without you altogether for awhile longer. Grrr. I am really very annoyed on your behalf! May a plague of toads be visited on HR, along with all of Cassandra's mosquitos.
DeleteI'm sorry! Speak to the union, speak to your GP. What a hassle to have to continually self-advocate, though!
DeleteSo it's been a day of composing careful, tactful, professional emails. Phased return is apparently ONLY for cases where someone has been off for a period, is fully fit to work, but is being allowed a bit of an adjustment period. One is only allowed to be SICK or WELL in their definitions - if you are not able to (or willing to lie about your ability to) work full time - even if that partial work is sorely needed by your team - you have to arrange for your pay to be cut accordingly. There's no way to be "recovering" and doing some work. Which is something my GP originally recommended partly to support my recovery by giving me the opportunity to slowly rebuild the stamina and masking etc. demanded by work and to do a small amount of work in hopes that would help remind me what's good about it, rediscover my enthusiasm, but.
DeleteSo it was a combination of the previous head of school ignoring the rules (or rather, looking the other way because it worked out well enough for the School), me being overly focused on what I could do to contribute rather than strictly following the rules which to be fair are not very clear (the union person is not impressed that I started back without Occ Health agreeing a return plan, but understands it came from a place of good intention if a naive one) and not reading rules in detail (because I rely on my line manager for this stuff, because they're not entirely clear to understand, because I'm an overthinker, because the rules have not been clearly enforced for the last, oh, twenty years), and the Interim Head of School having a very poor tone in conveying such information.
So I've been feeling stupid, aggrieved and under-appreciated/under-valued all day. And NOT as if I'm being treated like a professional.
On the plus side, there was a confusion about the next appointment with my counsellor, which meant she called me today rather than next week, so I got to express stuff and work through some knee-jerk guilty feelings which have no grounds, and get some external validation for my "I am not ready to go back to work full time" feelings. And I have a GP appointment late next week.
Sigh!
That use of phased return sounds really odd to me! If you're fully fit to work, why not just . . . fully work? And OTOH it seems like there are plenty of situations where someone might be able to work 3 hours a day or 15 hours a week, but not 8/40. But getting external validation and a fairly-soon GP appointment sound like good things. Again, I am sorry this is being so difficult when you are acting in good faith trying to do the best thing for everyone!
DeleteApologies for missing last week’s check-in. Since I’m actually rather fond of toads, which were welcome though only occasionally encountered residents of the back yard of the house in which I grew up, let’s just say that there are some distracting mosquitoes at the moment, which I’m hoping a friendly toad will come along and consume before they become too numerous. Elves are also welcome, especially if equipped with swatters, flypaper, or other mosquito-banishing accoutrements. No chemical pesticides please, though; those aren’t good for the toads/tadpoles.
ReplyDeleteDespite said mosquitoes, I did make some progress on goals over the last two weeks, including moving on a semi-regular basis (though not quite 5 days out of 7, and some of the movement was chosen from the simpler/briefer options), and making some progress on taxes (software is installed, documents gathered, and some data entered). I also got some work done in my community garden plot (and I’m adding that to the menu of movement options, since it’s beginning to be that time of year, and a few hours of gardening is at least equivalent in effort to a short-medium length walk)
Goals for the coming week:
--Begin work on conference paper (probably due to panel chair in early March, so it’s time)
--Engage in some sort of purposeful movement – short or long walks, stretching, weight-lifting, stair-climbing, and/or gardening – at least 5 out of every 7 days
Early season gardening definitely counts are movement! Good luck with the mosquitos, may the toads be well fed and happy...
DeleteThank you for the reminder that even toads can be useful! I'm glad you're making progress over time. Sometimes slow and steady is all we can do. I'm especially glad the garden is getting underway. I always resent the fact that my watch doesn't register work in the garden as exercise, but it certainly is!
DeleteOh, well done on the taxes! I think of gardening as more like weight training than like cardio, though it can be both.
DeleteWell that was a lousy week… I ended up getting really sick and stayed home, cancelled lectures, and slept for about 3 days… Seems like it was just a regular bug, got 7 days of negative covid tests so that made me feel a bit better and I’m functional today. So back at work staring at the giant pile of undone things I left last week and the larger pile of tasks that clearly had reproduced like tribbles in the time that I was out… So, please do send in any elves you have, I will buy them mead and chocolate to stick around and deal with stuff!
ReplyDeleteLast week’s goals
Lots of lab work for student analytical trip DONE
Paper review for nice journal ALMOST DONE
Read and comment on student thesis draft NOPE
Set and grade three exams NOT GRADED
Keep fire lit for new paper DONE
Trip accounting DONE!
This week’s goals
All the grading
Record missed lectures
Post assignments for rest of term
Two thesis reviews and comments
Journal review
Data processing for student work
Oh, dear! I'm glad you're feeling better!
DeleteI will pay the elves, or anyone really, to drink my share of mead! Oh---do the elves actually like it? Is this my problem with attracting writing elves---I leave out all the wrong things? I must do some more experimenting!
DeleteThat's quite a lot of DONE for a week in which you slept for three days. Well done! And good luck with the tribbles this week.
My elf attraction skills are absolute garbage... I cannot see a single one, so do not take any of my suggestions seriously... I'm on the verge of trying rice cakes and kombucha because everything else has failed...
DeleteI think that this could be my post for next week! I'm working through the bug right now.... Glad you're feeling better. I always start to feel like THIS IS JUST THE WAY I LIVE NOW and I WILL NEVER FEEL BETTER when I'm sick, so it's good to remember that these things do pass....
DeleteI'm afraid pest control still has work to do: there is one toad who actually lies about what they know, and we definitely need to deal with them. There are also elves though, and we always welcome them.
ReplyDeleteHow I did last week:
1. Revise 2 chapters that need some work for Famous Author 1.5: it turns out the second chapter needs more work than I expected, so it didn't get done.
2. Re-read and comment on article for journal YES
3. Organize events for graduate visitation YES
4. Deal with graduate admissions stuff HALF (see toad, above)
5. Keep up with students in crisis YES, one on their way to being better, the other we have a plan.
6. Meetings. All the meetings. YES
7. Make up lease for people who will rent my house/ care for my cat when I'm on sabbatical next year YES
8. 3 more journals ONE
9. Eat/ sleep/ move YES
10. Get ready for trip to wintry climes next week. I AM IN WINTRY CLIME. It is *cold*: I brought my down coat out, which I haven't worn for 4 years.
ALSO: I started cleaning my refrigerator, and made both my limoncello and grapefruitcello
It was a pretty good week, I think. I have some stuff to check in the last chapter of Famous Author, but it's manageable. Meanwhile the excuse for the trip to wintry clime is to work with my co-editor on Big Collaboration, trying to get our introduction finished and figure out the rest of hte stuff we have to do. He happens to live 1/2 hour from my oldest friend (not in age, but time) who i've known since I was 3. So I've had a couple of days with her & her partner, including long walks and a nice dog. Goals for this week are limited, as I am mostly focused on Big Collaboration. I get home late on Thursday night, so keeping it simple.
Goals:
1. Get intro more or less finished, and complete all the little things for Big Collaboration. Start uploading files to google drive.
2. Keep up enough with administrivia so that we can move forward on admissions stuff
3. Maybe get some work on the last chapter of Famous Author
4. Eat/sleep/ move
5. Maybe bring some grapefruit to popup food pantry
That sounds like an excellent week of DONE, and what fun to get to collaborate in person! And not only that, to see your oldest friend as well! (While I'm experimenting with elf food, maybe I should try to get them to suggest someone I could collaborate with who lives near other people I would like to visit.)
DeleteAlways so nice to be able to combine work trips with friend visits... I'm glad that all worked out well and that you are having a good trip!
DeleteOh the gorgeous ginger tum! So pettable! Are pets allowed, or is this an "admire with your eyes" cat?
ReplyDeleteI think my trainer may be an elf, or at any rate fae: small and fine-boned, she makes me hurt myself, yet also makes me stronger. Time does odd things after I've seen her; sometimes I lose a day or two because I'm so wiped out. That sounds like fae, doesn't it?
ReplyDeleteHow I did:
Exercise: swim x2 or x3, cardio + weights x3, yoga at least x4: YES (close enough: x3, x2 [see above re wiping out], x4).
Work: sample syllabuses for 2 course proposals; ~3-4 hours/day on research (reading, translating, outlining, writing); prep for Latin group including setting up documents. NO, NO, YES. Another bad week for sleep > not much work done.
Social: birthday dinner out; make cake for post-dinner celebration with friends. YES, YES: that was fun.
Creative: write out story climax idea/scene. NO.
Planning: 2024 planning; make appointment for BC check-up; make eye exam appt for me. TINY BIT, YES, NO.
Technical: turn on old desktop, look for creative files and tax-related stuff. NO. Still procrastinating like mad, though I have to say the idea of retrieving story files is much more attractive than the tax-related items.
ALSO: lunch with Sir John and my MIL (now in assisted living, some days okay with that, some days very unhappy); attended a book group meeting; made a phone call and got a refund on an overpaid bill.
After being up ridiculously late after our dinner out, I managed to stay awake Sunday until a reasonably early bedtime, so as of today I am back to getting up early and putting in a solid morning's work before going to the gym. I'm going to try to keep this up all week, so I have some success to build on, before trying to do anything crazy like getting up even earlier to go to the gym before work time. I want to spend mornings on work and afternoons on Projects, whether creative, organizational, or necessary (taxes).
New goals:
Exercise: swim x2 or x3, cardio + weights x3, yoga at least x4
Work: sample syllabuses for 1 course proposal; ~3-4 hours/day on research (reading, translating, outlining, writing); prep for Latin group.
Creative: write out story climax idea/scene
Planning: 2024 planning; make eye exam appt for me; get book for next book club meeting.
Technical: turn on old desktop, look for creative files and tax-related stuff.
Very impressed with you and your trainer! Glad the social things were fun, hope sleep improves this week...
DeleteI have been sick since Saturday, so I'm not even going to set goals for this week. My kid is also out of school (he was sick, but now it's just the weird "February Break" that they have in this part of the country). Thus this week is basically about triage and trying not to make next week too terrible.
ReplyDeleteI'm holding my graduate class on Zoom this afternoon largely because it's too difficult to reschedule (and we have two presentations/discussion leadings, so I won't have to talk very much), and I hope to make it to my Italian quiz on Friday....
Last week:
1. 1 hour a day (average) x 5 on research and writing - Almost; close enough
2. Finish current round of website edits/updates, since I am now apparently a webpage manager - No
3. Find reviewer for article - One down; working on the second
4. Read for class by end of Saturday - Yes
5. Figure out graduate student workshop; send out poll re. subsequent workshop - Yes
6. Set up sleepover for kid - Yes, although it's been rescheduled due to illnesses
This week:
No goals.
I'm sorry to hear that you're ill! I hope your afternoon class goes well (IME students do tend to step up in such circumstances) and that resting will help you feel better soon.
Delete